Monday, July 2, 2007

"This is Sewious."

Remember the other day when I said I wanted another kid? CURED, folks. Today, my 2 little ones implemented a slow suffocation of their Mommy- complete with non-stop bodily contact and endless rounds of the "Wonderpets" theme song. (Did Donald Rumsfeld compose this music to use as a form of torture at Guantanamo?)

I took the kids to the toy store today- to celebrate Annie's final debut into potty training. I am blessed with 2 little kids that like to "visit" toys in a store, but don't yet comprehend that they can take one home. (They also think hard boiled eggs are treats, I'm sick I tell ya). I gave them the ol' parking lot pep talk "just one toy you guys"and then we entered the disgusting, vile retail chain of Toys R Us.

When I was a kid- Toys R Us was a cool place to go. It was kind of like the retail version of Disneyland, and I was always so jazzed when I would fall asleep in the back seat of my grandparents Lincoln, and wake up when Pe-Pa was pulling into Geoffrey Giraffe's parking lot. Those days are long gone. Now, it looks like Walmart has beaten Geoffrey with a baseball bat and left him for dead. The merchandise looks like it is infested with germs (Buy 2, get impetigo for free!) and the employees are a sad sack of deadbeats that will stand around, drink Redbull, and laugh as customers line up to the ONE register open.

To add insult to injury, the toys are crap. (Why, oh why did I NOT go to Learning Express?) After wandering the store, my kids liked a Backyardigans guitar, a doll stroller, a Cinderella laptop, a $700 battery powered Jeep Explorer and a $4 ball.

They do still have a fucking hilarious Easter commercial.


Karin said...

I should take offense to this post considering that you are Crapping on my livelyhood, but I can't help but laugh. I'll see what I can do to make the toys better.

Karin said...

Oh and one other thing! Did you know that my mom's cousin, Jack Rollins, wrote that song? "Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail" Actually that makes him my cousin too.