Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Love Hate Relationship

Trying to listen to the radio with the kids in the car is becoming increasingly difficult. I find myself hovering over the volume button- ready to censor the rogue news story about how thongs are dangerous to your health or the latest casting for "Fifty Shades of Grey." 

Have you heard Pink's latest song? The one where she wants to punch you in the face, and you need to shut up but it's "true love....truuuue love?" My kids think that is hilarious. They shake their heads, and giggle and talk about how insane that is.

I remember in high school my English teacher told us the opposite of love was not hate. It was indifference. I didn't get that at all. Indifference? How could that be? 

Fast forward 23 years and I completely understand. There is a fine line between love and hate. You can't feel that deeply about anything, or anyone without coming from a place of reckless abandon. My favorite line from John Greene's Fault In Our Stars is when he talks about not just choosing who you love, but "who you allow to hurt you." I loved (and hated?) that. 

It was 55 degrees this morning- and delicious. My dogs kept running around my postage-sized stamp of a backyard, wondering where the heat went. The windows in the house are open, and I feel like my house just farted out 4 months of stale air. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Breaking Bad


hello. Hello! Hello?

It's been a while. A few days ago, my girls and I were making a list of things that make us happy. They wrote about Rainbow Looms, I wrote about television shows that teach me how to cook meth in the desert. I loved "Breaking Bad." I love "Downton Abbey," "Newsroom," "Orange Is The New Black" and "Madmen". Why? The writing. I love, love good writing. I like the act of writing. I like savoring my words, or just throwing them up and walking away and never looking again. It is good therapy.

Side note about "Breaking Bad"---- I just finished reading the book Heidi with my youngest kid. After we finished, she said, "Mom? You know what I didn't like? I don't like how good Heidi is all the time." Heidi needed a little bit of Heisenberg in her.... I guess we all do. I find myself having conversations with my kids to encourage them to make mistakes. Go ahead- get the tally on your behavior chart. Know what it feels like. Learn from it. If you're not comfortable testing the waters in 2nd and 4th grade- you could suddenly be 50 and find yourself in an RV in the desert, cooking meth. I don't think anyone wants to grow up to be Walter White.

Lots of people are spending the month of October by writing 31 posts. I can't commit to that, but I can promise myself that I will return here frequently. 

We are knee deep in a new school year. The newness is no longer there, and the morning routine is starting to feel drudgery. I find myself with pockets of time that are boring- and then hours of non-stop running that leave me tired and cranky. This year's theme is apparently, manic depressive.

My oldest child just left for a four day, school chaperoned camping trip. Four days. That's a long time to be away. It will feel like minutes to her, because that's how things roll. It's a harbinger of things to come-  the delicate dance parents must do to let go when you need to, and hold on when you have to.

I already miss her.