I took Annie to the dentist today. He's the best guy in town, and it took me forever to get the appointment. This place is amazing. Murals of "Where the Wild Things Are" adorn the walls, and every toy in creation is in the waiting room. The staff all wear 1950's bowling shirts and converse sneakers. I felt like singing some Four Tops and calling everyone Daddio.
Annie is a champ. She lays down, and lets them clean her teeth and put "bubble" (fluoride) on. We sit through a cheesy video on caring for your teeth (raisins are bad snacks? Who knew?) and then Lucy, bored with watching some kid get his teeth brushed, finds the pack of stray Scooby Doo fruit snacks in my purse. She immediately starts whimpering for them, and I realize what a faux pas it is to feed my kid nasty fruit snacks while learning about dental hygiene. I try and distract her with a bag of goldfish. "What's that Lucy? You want a snack? A snack of Goldfish crackers?" Lucy doesn't buy it. "I WANT FRUIT SNACKS! FRUIT SNACKS MOMMY!" My normally calm, sedate child is a whining, crying mess for the rest of the appointment.
When we finally get to meet the dentist- I realize why all of my girlfriends, and my Moms group, and Annie's preschool recommend this guy. He's hot. He's got the whitest teeth imaginable, and after he examines Annie, he encourages me to sit down so we can talk for a bit. I'm not normally flustered, but it's difficult to look Dr. Suave in the eye- I am so blinded by his perfectly straight, extremely white teeth. Finally, I blush and interrupt him and say something so intelligent- like "Wow! You have really white teeth!"
On our way out, I hear Dr. Suave greet his next patient. I overhear him say "Are there any concerns you'd like to share about Harrison's teeth?" And then I hear a woman say, "Well, not really- but Harrison is interested in whitening his teeth." I sneak a look at Harrison, and I kid you not Dear Reader- but this kid is like, eight years old. Dr. Suave then asks Harrison if he is familiar with the show "Extreme Makeover" and I realize it is time for me to get the hell out of dodge.