And I Thought I Was Annoying...

I have no idea if this story will even translate- but today at swim lessons, I met the world's most annoying mom. Picture if you will- a bustling, chlorinated hub-bub of afternoon hulabaloo at the local swim club. The kids that are not swimming in the (urine) pool can play on a plastic play set conveniently situated on some wet (hopefully not also urine) artificial grass. Against the wall, parents sit on teeny-tiny benches that immediately humble and degrade- and we try to look cool as our knees graze our chins.

It was a normal afternoon. Filled with the normal sound of kids playing, parents talking, blah blah blah blah blah. And then...SHE comes around the corner. Trailing 3 children, she immediately starts shrieking, "NO LOLLIPOPS ON THE PLAYGROUND! GET DOWN FROM THERE! RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

I quickly glance up from my Angry Birds (do not judge) and figure her volume and intensity must be a short lived transgression. I thought wrong. This lady has had so many kids, for so long- she simply has forgotten how to talk in a normal voice.

"WHAT'S THAT? YOU HAVE TO GO POTTY? DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE THE BATHROOM IS? GOOD! THEN GO! I WILL WAIT HERE FOR YOU."

At this point, we all kind of glance around and wonder if someone is playing a joke. She continues.

"YOUR SISTER IS IN THE BATHROOM. I HOPE SHE POOPS. YOU KNOW HOW SHE'S HAD TROUBLE POOPING LATELY. SHE REALLY SHOULD BE EATING MORE FRUIT! OH GOOD, THERE SHE IS! LET'S GO- TIME TO GO HOME!"

The lady sitting next to her almost choked on her silent tears. Mrs. Annoying packed up her brood, and yelled the entire way out of the club. After I gathered up my kids and told them the story, we came up with our own imitation of Mrs. Annoying.

(all of these comments have to be said at the top of your voice. As loud as possible).

"HERE ARE MY LIBRARY BOOKS. SORRY THEY ARE LATE."

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE."

"I LIKE KITTIES. KITTIES AND PUPPIES."

We laughed (loudly) all the way home.