Christmas Recap-2008

Christmas 2008- now officially Christmas past. For Christmas futures, 2008 has taught me a thing or two.

Elf On A Shelf is a shitload of fun. I'm missing our little guy, and will have to think of new ways to bribe my kids to behave.

Shopping for your husband two months in advance does not necessarily guarantee you a smooth Christmas Eve. Witness this scene, that happened in our kitchen, around 1pm on the 24th:

Phone rings.

Me: Hello?

Husband: Hey there. (he sounds funny).

Me: You sound funny. 

Husband: Really? (his voice goes up an octave).

Me: What's up?

H: Ummm... I was wondering if you... maybe... wanted to wait and exchange gifts on Monday.

Me: ???

H: See, I was supposed to do your shopping this afternoon, but I just got called into an emergency case and will be in the OR all afternoon.

Me: ???

Remarkably, he scrubbed out of rearranging someone's innards to blitz through the shopping mall across from the hospital to dredge me up some really cool gifts. Sometimes last minute shopping pays off, but only if you don't let the other person know.

Santa kicked some ass with these ladybug night lights that create constellations on your bedroom ceiling. The requisite vet set and wedding dress made an appearance. Wii Music will distract my kids for oodles of time.

Aside from the birth of Jesus, the biggest Christmas miracle in our house was watching Annie stand next to her pile of presents, unopened. She said she'd rather wait until her sister finished opening hers.

The new Barefoot Contessa cookbook has a recipe for lobster corn chowder that may be the best thing I have ever eaten. Good thing we liked it because my dog pulled the ham off of the dining room table for his own little party. 

The party continued as we trekked to Granny's house for Christmas dinner. What happens when you cram 12 people, 3 labrador retrievers, one cocker spaniel and enough presents to max out a credit card in one room?

Bedlam. Sheer chaos. At one point, it was just a free-for-all of shredded wrapping paper. My 3 year old was seen opening up a gift, looking at the gift box and exclaiming "Ooh! Pretty box!" before moving on to the next gift. After it was done, there was a pile of presents that no one knew who they belonged to. The Christmas spirit was alive and well.

Spur of the moment movie going can lead to difficult questions. Wouldn't you think Marley and Me is a kids movie? I did. And then 20 minutes into the film, I suddenly am trying to distract my children with hand puppets while Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson have sex, talk about smoking pot, have a miscarriage and a dead dog. This went on for MORE THAN TWO HOURS. Oh deceptive marketing, you silly thing.

I hope everyone had a memory-making filled holiday with stolen hams, too many gifts and inappropriate films. And best wishes for a new year!

Naughty or Nice?

Annie asked Santa for  her own Moffat's book. The library won't let us renew theirs anymore.She also wants a vet set so she can sedate George and prevent him from eating her shoes. Lucy asked Santa for a wedding dress. (?) This should make for an interesting Christmas morning.

It's The Holiday Season

We are busy. I should say, Busy. Busy. Busy. We just said goodbye to houseguests, cleaned up the dishes from last night's dinner soiree- and are moving on to the next shindig. Today, it's raining, so we're baking. Baking. Baking. Baking. And I will do my best to not eat more than my share by chewing sugarless gum for most of the day. Right, we all know how that's going to go. 

Tonight, we have more friends for dinner. Tomorrow, we go to a family dinner party. Wednesday, we host my family for Christmas Eve. (menu still not selected, but I will not stress). Thursday, we go to my parents' house. Friday, we go to my brother's for a declared game day. Saturday, we hit my mother-in-law's and Sunday, we collapse. 

I have presents to wrap, cookies to bake, children to parent and a menu to plan. I have a dog that has suddenly undergone a personality transformation and in the last week has done more damage than he has in the last six months. He has eaten two couch pillows, my watchband, and numerous toys (someone gave Annie dreaded Bratz dolls for a birthday gift and "luckily", they were the first to go).  Happy Holidays everyone- I hope Santa brings you what you are asking for! (a black lab, perhaps?)

Christmas Vanity vs. Baking Insanity

I have a confession to make. I haven't really gotten into the whole holiday baking thing this year. Maybe it's because my favorite cookie exchange was too far away (last year I got schnokered on the egg nog and started telling really, really obnoxious stories about nudists on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy").  Maybe it's because Matt and I have been fending off a vicious cycle of preschool viruses and I'm simply too tired to get into it.  But the most probable reason is that I have no willpower whatsoever over baked goods. They literally call to me at night, when everyone is sleeping and have their nasty, fatty way with me. I have worked really hard to lose a bit of weight this year, and I really, really don't want Santa to bring me a new pair of fat pants. 

The kids start their vacation tomorrow, and today- we purchased some (gasp!) colored sprinkles and supplies for fudge. Here's to hoping I can hold out like the good Orange County housewife that I am. Now if Santa would only bring me that boob job and botox.... (I'm kidding! I'm kidding!)

Holiday Spirit

It snowed near my parents' house today. It feels like the rain here will turn to ice any minute. We have the fire going, the tree lit, and a quiet, cozy house. I've got my husband on his way home, leftovers for dinner and a new Top Chef. Life is good.

Happy Festivus!

Today was a challenging day. In my own self centered delusions, I am aware of humanity suffering. I know these times are tough. Jobs are shaky, or non-existent. Christmas is definitely being pared down. But today? Today was the kind of day that made me want to poke my eye ball out with an ice pick. Some nuggets of fun will remain private- but the little things? The little things that made my day worse than Kanye West's singing on this week's Saturday Night Live? Of course I'll share.

One kid didn't sleep. (I know, I know). We started off the morning with a torrential downpour- which, if you live in Southern California, you would think the world is coming to an end. We are so used to our temperate, beautiful days, that all hell breaks loose when it finally rains.  I had to host Lucy's holiday party at school, and it was my job to bring 24 jelly doughnuts that HAD to come from Krispy Kreme (don't ask). This meant I had to drive 15 minutes in the opposite direction, worsening an already annoying commute that makes my head want to explode on a good day. 

I had no gas. A certain someone, who shall remain nameless, but he likes to eat french dips- drove my car yesterday and left me with no gas. So, after wasting 20 minutes trying to convince my toolbox of a puppy that he wouldn't melt in the rain, rallying 2 kids into their raincoats and getting them in the car for a doughnut trek, I got to hit the local gas station and fill'er up with rain dropping into the small of my back.  

The party was good. Fun. Lucy said it was "interesting" to have me there. (Is that toddler code for "Mom? Please don't come to school anymore"?). I was in charge of the cookie decorating table, and after the kids left most of their cookies and moved on to the next activity, I started to throw the cookies away. A few moms ambushed me and started freaking out that I had thrown their stuff out. I started to tell them the story of the lovely stomach bug we had a few weeks ago, and how one little girl was bragging about how she threw up last night but surprise! Her mommy still sent her to school! and how I had witnessed kids smearing their boogers on other cookies, and coming back to the table after using the potty (conveniently stationed only 3 feet from the cookie table) and how one kid sneezed on four cookies at once. I think I lost them when I started doing my Linda Blair impersonation. Whatever. I hope they enjoyed their "treat." 

The day progressed into a series of bickerish conversations, that by bed time, had my entire family wishing they could put the other family members up for sale. Defeated. Irritable. Definitely cranky. Let's just hope I don't throw up too.

 

One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest

We've been watching a lot of Christmas dvds, and unfortunately, spending a lot of time at the doctor. These two worlds came together this morning when Annie and Lucy asked if we could play hospital.

Obliging their whimsy, I laid down on Annie's bed and pretended to be sick. Annie came bustling in the room and said in her best Nurse Ratchet voice, "I am Nurse Frosty. Looks like you have a fever. Let me get the doctor on the phone and see what we can do, but you will be here for ten days."

In comes Lucy, wearing her favorite pink sparkly footie pajamas. "This is Doctor Rudolph," Annie continues. "He is going to check you out." 

Lucy starts hopping on one foot. "Are you dancing?" I asked.

"No. I'm doing this. (her hopping gets more vigorous). "This is what doctors do."