"It's My Party, I'll Get Naked If I Want To"

Last night, my family survived what could have been a catastrophic event. We went to a party. A grown-up party, hosted by one of Matt's bosses, who is not married and does not have kids- but strongly encouraged Matt to bring our entire brood. A catered party, in a beautiful, non-kid friendly home, complete with white walls, original art pieces and a grand piano worth more than all of the contents of my house. To say I was nervous about this was a mild understatement. I packed a backpack filled with washable crayons, stickers and a Mr. Clean magic eraser, and hoped for the best.

We picked up a small box of Neuhaus chocolate as a host gift, and elected Annie as the gift bearer. She came toting it in to the party, and bellowed out "Who is Dr. XXX? We've got some chocolate for ya." To the delight of other guests, she thrust the candy into his hands, said "Thanks for the party!" and then smiled gleefully when he asked her to open them. She helped herself to a couple of rounds of Belgian chocolates, before we barricaded all of the kids (there were 4 other ones at the party) on the sunporch with toys and chicken nuggets. Waiters with silver trays delivered Capri Suns to keep them from getting thirsty.

The sun porch soon lost its shine, and the kids slowly start to either go home (not mine) or explore the house (uh oh). In between juggling Lucy, who has a serious party-phobia and spends the entire time on my hip, with her head burrowed into my shoulder, I hear my husband say "Hey now, that's not a good idea." Then, Matt appears in front of me and says "Annie's in the den, and has taken off her shoes and socks, and just asked everyone if she can take off her pants." I look at him in horror, and whisper vehemently, "get in there N-O-W. She will be completely naked before you can take one more sip of that margarita." She did not get naked, (Thank you God) but she did discover the fun of stealing desserts from other's plates, and then, after gorging on eclairs and fruit tarts, she pulls a cashmere afghan off the back of a chair and lays down on a sheepskin rug in the living room and pretends to fall asleep (her fake snoring is really getting realistic). That was our cue to leave.

Shake It Up

My kids thrive on routine. They are not the kind of kids who can stay up late, or skip a meal or postpone a nap and remain functioning human beings. This is hard for my family to fathrom- because my niece and nephew are the most flexible kids on the planet, so much so that their feelings must be made of rubber- because they can go four days on no sleep and still be their charming selves. Seriously! Me, not so lucky.

However, knowing my kids, and their penchant for routine, sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy. Like this morning... which morphed into morning after a night-gone-bad. Annie and Lucy share a room. This is a good thing, most of the time- because they really enjoy each other's company. Nothing is sweeter than hearing them talk to each other when it's "light's out"- and after Lucy has begged Annie to give her one more "nuggle' in the big girl bed.

But now, my Lucy is in full throttle teething mode. She's got 2 incisors poking through- they look like little fangs, and my little Dracula is now waking all hours of the night, in serious pain. I will just get her settled down, when Annie rouses from all of the commotion. I'm like a serious Threes Company episode- complete with bed swapping and perfect comedic timing. (The minute I finally lay down and close my eyes, one kid screams. It never fails). Last night, Lucy started waking every hour- almost on the hour. (I think I shall start calling her "Little Ben.") Not wanting to wake Annie, at 3am, I finally gave in and brought Lucy into bed with Matt and I. I have not done this since Lucy was 16 months old. Because, Dear Reader- Lucy used to sleep with us EVERY NIGHT. She used to use me as an ottoman, and an all you can eat boobie buffet. I had to finally quit nursing her at 16 months and convince her the crib was a fun place to be. So here we are, almost a year later, and she immediately reverts back to her bed-hogging self. After first squealing "DADDY!", Lucy snuggles up to him and puts her feet on me, and falls asleep.

Annie wakes up an hour later, and realizes there is a sleeping party going on without her in my room. She quickly joins in. When Matt's alarm goes off at 5:15 this morning (he sleeps in on Saturday. i know, sick joke), he awakens to both girls nestled next to him, and his wife, curled up in the fetal position at the foot of the bed. Both girls immediately wake up, and no amount of bribery, or promises of buttermilk pancakes can get them to go back to sleep.

But, to make a long story longer- what's the beauty of varying from routine? BOTH KIDS ARE NOW NAPPING. AT THE SAME TIME. Breaking routine can be a good thing.

Back To School

Wow. Today was a kooky day. After dropping the kids off at school, I headed out- on my way to Target, when the school receptionist stopped me. "Is there any way you could sub for us today?" she asked. "We have so many teachers out sick, and all of our subs are here- any chance you can help us out?" I agreed, not really knowing what I was getting myself into. I stepped into another 4 year old class, and had a terrific time. There were only 9 kids in the class, and they were absolutely adorable.

But, something about assuming this new role made all of the logic seep out of my brain. During circle time, when the other teacher was reading the kids a story, I noticed this really cute, shy little boy start to look sad. Immediately after story time was done, he started to cry. Without thinking, I scooped him up and gave him a big hug. He put his head on my shoulder, and started to blubber, and I sat there, rubbing his back. The other teacher then comes up and says to him, "Benjamin, did you have another accident?" That's when I realized Mr. Cutie Pie had soaking wet pants and had just peed all over me. Nice. Apparently, he does this a lot.

When I was on the playground, I started to help each kid cross the monkey bars. This one, adorable little boy- was seriously going to break my back, he was so heavy. I said to him- "Hey there- did you have a bag of rocks for breakfast?" He answers, in a very serious tone, "No, I had pancakes and sausage."

I didn't really get to tell my own kids that I would be at their school today, so when Annie spied me on the playground, playing with all of these other kids, my tough little girl had a complete meltdown. She couldn't understand what I was doing with those other kids- and thought I was cheating on her. When I picked her up at her class, she gave me the biggest hug and told me how much she missed me. I took them to Jamba Juice after school, and over Mango Madnesses, Annie asked me, "Mommy, are you going to be a Teacher again, or just my Mommy?" I replied, "Just your Mommy, Annie." Because that's a job that I really treasure, most of the time.

Random Stuff

Sorry for the delay in posting, but really, nothing new to post about. Same old same old. Diaper rash. Rampant nudity. Sleep issues- you know, the stuff that makes my life, well, my life. I'm now sneaking fish oil in my kids' juice. It's supposed to provide a "calming effect" and raise your IQ by 5 points. Probably a bunch of hulabaloo, but since we don't eat a lot of trout around here, it can't hurt anything.

We have a new game before bed time. It's called "Let's Talk About My Birthday Party", and Annie is VERY good at playing this. Tonight she told me she wants this for her birthday:
1. A Banjo. Where the hell am I going to find a banjo? No more Dixie Chicks in the car. That's it.
2. A tutu. Ballet lessons paying off!
3. A music box.
4. A saxophone. (????)
5. Moonsand. DAMN you Nickolodeon commercials! Moonsand looks like it will destroy a vacuum in ten seconds.
6. a camera. She only says this because Matt suggested it.
7. Jewelery. When I pressed her for more info, she said "any kind would do." That's my girl.

In other news, I was so busy watching "The Office" premiere, I didn't even notice my DVR did not record Grey's Anatomy. And I'm not even that bummed about it. Last season was so ridiculous, I think I'm over it. Until they start showing grey, pasty residents that never see their family and are in debt up to their eyeballs, I may have to pass.

Melancholy

While driving the kids to school this morning, I started to realize how much I will miss Texas. My girls have really embraced life here--- my Lucy yells "Yeehaw!" when she's overly excited, and Annie's favorite song to rock out to on the way to school is the Dixie Chicks' "Sin Wagon." I try to muffle out the parts of mattress dancing and such- but really, at age 3- she probably thinks they are just jumping on the bed or something.

We've made some really great friends here--- especially our little Friday playgroup. This past Friday, it was just me and my friend Kirstin, and the kids and mommies were having such a good time- we stayed until 9pm.

I won't miss Matt's work schedule. He's got that grey pasty face again--- the one that makes me worry about his blood pressure. He's got a KILLER week again, but hopefully after that- things lighten up a bit. We had friends over for dinner on Saturday, and Matt did most of the cooking. After dinner- we cracked open another bottle of wine, and were just chitchatting, when I noticed my husband slumped over, snoring away. Luckily, our friends understand and laughed it off, while quietly leaving. I hope October slows things down for him.

Milk and Pepsi, Here I Come????

How does the universe play a joke on a girl who once lived in Hawaii, calls Southern California home and currently lives in tropical Texas?

It gives her husband his first job interview in Wisconsin. And we're not talking cute, Madison either. It's THE LAND OF LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, PEOPLE.

God help me.

Boo!

Sigh. Sometimes, I never learn. We're throwing Lucy a costume party for her 2nd birthday, since it falls on the Saturday before Halloween. I've been cruising town, looking for cool Halloween stuff- and you would think ONE traumatic epidode would teach me a lesson.... but no Dear reader, I must traumatize my kids multiple times in order to drive a point home.

Last weekend, we were in Michaels, because I needed some baskets, silk flowers and unpainted bird houses (not really!) and I was zooming through- with the kids trailing behind me, when suddenly, I heard it. A slight whimper, which suddenly led into full throttle screams of terror. It seems, in my ignorance, I wandered down the Halloween aisle, and my Lucy, my little, impressionable, not-yet-2 year old now stood in terror- transfixed by a display of a six foot tall witch with green glowing eyes that swayed back and forth and moaned like her Mommy did while going through transition.

Flash forward to yesterday. Am at Costco, because I now needed 100 rolls of toilet paper, a chicken pot pie and 4 gallons of shampoo.. Distracted by the samples of mocha frappes, I neglected to notice the Halloween display, featuring another six foot tall witch, this one garbed in purple, cackling an evil laugh, dancing, and effectively scaring the bejeezus out of my 2 little ones.

Now, it's today. School lets out early, so I take my little ones out to lunch, and to Party City for a little Halloween costume scouting. I thought this would be a fun outing. I thought this was a good idea of some shopping therapy, and quality time. I did not think Party City would put a frickin' eight foot ghoul inside the front door that sang a song and proceeded to lift off his own head. Nothing kills a toddler lunchtime appetite faster than a decapitated singing corpse.

My girlfriends now tell me our local grocery store has a display that features gory witch body parts. I think I'm in hibernation until November 1st.