Matt gets paged in the middle of dinner, and starts complaining about nurses.
"Lucy- don't become a nurse when you grow up," he says. "You should become a doctor."
My two year old emphatically shakes her head from side to side and says:
"No Daddy. Doctors are Gross! And Broke."
I think I spit Chardonnay out of my nose. (I think she meant to talk about the ick factor of fixing broken things, but this was much funnier... and much more honest).
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Daydreams
Grumpiness lingers on- now attributed to the beginnings of a cold that is slowly making its way through our household. Usually my days fly by- but today--- today was one of those rare gems that creeped along. Today, I was shocked when the clock only read 1:30pm- I thought for sure it was more like 5ish. It FELT more like 5ish- especially with 2 little ones that can't go outside because it is too rainy and wet, and have been fighting since 6:30 in the morning.
So I started day dreaming. Day dreaming about how I will celebrate my 40th birthday in 5 years. I've told Matt for years that I will go to Patricia Wells' cooking school in Provence- and spend a week smelling lavender, eating some stinky cheese and drinking obscene amounts of wine. Today, I read in her latest book that her students get to cook on JULIA CHILDS' old stove in her newly renovated outdoor kitchen. How F*cking cool is that? Apparently, she was old pals with Julia, and when Julia was closing up her France house- she offered her stove to Patricia. I would so love to make some Jiffy Pop on that thing.
I overheard Annie watching "The Barefoot Contessa" on the food network today. Ina Garten was making a lemon curd tart-and I overheard Annie mumble to herself, "Jeezermereeze! That's a lot of butter." I think she's been doing too many pilates Dvds with me lately....
So I started day dreaming. Day dreaming about how I will celebrate my 40th birthday in 5 years. I've told Matt for years that I will go to Patricia Wells' cooking school in Provence- and spend a week smelling lavender, eating some stinky cheese and drinking obscene amounts of wine. Today, I read in her latest book that her students get to cook on JULIA CHILDS' old stove in her newly renovated outdoor kitchen. How F*cking cool is that? Apparently, she was old pals with Julia, and when Julia was closing up her France house- she offered her stove to Patricia. I would so love to make some Jiffy Pop on that thing.
I overheard Annie watching "The Barefoot Contessa" on the food network today. Ina Garten was making a lemon curd tart-and I overheard Annie mumble to herself, "Jeezermereeze! That's a lot of butter." I think she's been doing too many pilates Dvds with me lately....
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Grumpy
I'm in a bad mood today. It may have something to do with my little four year old suddenly developing a middle-of-the-night fear of being in her own bed. She's been camping out with us, every night-for the last month or so. I've tried putting her back in her bed, only to have her tap me on the shoulder an hour later. We figured out the problem. Our house has no insulation, and the girls' room is C-O-L-D. She's honestly freezing, which warmed my hardened heart at 2am. So as of late, you can find me, perched on the edge of our teeny tiny queen sized bed, wrestling covers and fighting over a pillow with my daughter.
Matt got so fed up one night, he headed off to Annie's bed. Lucy woke up in the middle of the night, saw the slumbering Matt and proceeded to royally freak out. I heard shrieks and then screams of "MOMMMY! THERE'S A MONSTER IN ANNIE'S BED! A MONSTER! A MONSTER!" It didn't help matters when the "monster" kept trying to tell her "It's just me, Lucy. It's just me." She had no idea who "me" was, but didn't like his hairy chest and buffalo checked pajama bottoms. (Did I already tell you this story? I'm growing old in my senile years- and am also too lazy to check. Let's just pretend we're at a cocktail party and you can nod your head sympathetically and then casually make your way to the bar for another drink... shall we?)
Even if we move to the snow, any house has to be warmer than this one. I'm convinced this rental house knows we are leaving, and is turning on us. Brand new recessed light bulbs are burning out all over the place, ceiling fans are stopping for no reason, drafts are appearing in window cracks- it's like the house is being passive aggressive.
I think I will go pop some chocolate chip walnut cookies in the oven and try and turn this around....
Matt got so fed up one night, he headed off to Annie's bed. Lucy woke up in the middle of the night, saw the slumbering Matt and proceeded to royally freak out. I heard shrieks and then screams of "MOMMMY! THERE'S A MONSTER IN ANNIE'S BED! A MONSTER! A MONSTER!" It didn't help matters when the "monster" kept trying to tell her "It's just me, Lucy. It's just me." She had no idea who "me" was, but didn't like his hairy chest and buffalo checked pajama bottoms. (Did I already tell you this story? I'm growing old in my senile years- and am also too lazy to check. Let's just pretend we're at a cocktail party and you can nod your head sympathetically and then casually make your way to the bar for another drink... shall we?)
Even if we move to the snow, any house has to be warmer than this one. I'm convinced this rental house knows we are leaving, and is turning on us. Brand new recessed light bulbs are burning out all over the place, ceiling fans are stopping for no reason, drafts are appearing in window cracks- it's like the house is being passive aggressive.
I think I will go pop some chocolate chip walnut cookies in the oven and try and turn this around....
Saturday, January 19, 2008
There's No Place Like Home
Whew! Matt just finished a world-wind tour of interviews- and we haven't seen him in over a week. He popped home once- at 1:30am, and took off for his next flight at 5am the next morning. The girls thought they were dreaming when he came in to kiss them goodnight.
We really miss him when he's away---- and it's not just that he's the only one that brushes Lucy's teeth the "right" way, or that he does the dishes after I cook, or that he reads a mean storytime- but we MISS him. When he comes through the door at night- he's a breath of fresh air- a purveyor of new jokes, a guy who is usually up for a game of "smell my feet and tickle me until I need a new diaper" right at the moment when I'm drooping, and waning and struggling to make it through the day. He's the yin to my yang, y'all.
This week was hard on the girls. My Lucy- who is usually so mild mannered and even tempered, took a Crayola twistable and drew all over the mirror of my 1890 burled walnut armoire. After ensuring that "no, I was not having a heart attack" I popped this little stinker in a time out. When we both recovered, I calmly asked her if there was something she wanted to say. She emphatically nodded her head and (expecting to hear a little "I'm sorry,") I leaned forward in anticipation to hear her whisper:
"I want my Daddy."
Well spoken little one. I do too.
We really miss him when he's away---- and it's not just that he's the only one that brushes Lucy's teeth the "right" way, or that he does the dishes after I cook, or that he reads a mean storytime- but we MISS him. When he comes through the door at night- he's a breath of fresh air- a purveyor of new jokes, a guy who is usually up for a game of "smell my feet and tickle me until I need a new diaper" right at the moment when I'm drooping, and waning and struggling to make it through the day. He's the yin to my yang, y'all.
This week was hard on the girls. My Lucy- who is usually so mild mannered and even tempered, took a Crayola twistable and drew all over the mirror of my 1890 burled walnut armoire. After ensuring that "no, I was not having a heart attack" I popped this little stinker in a time out. When we both recovered, I calmly asked her if there was something she wanted to say. She emphatically nodded her head and (expecting to hear a little "I'm sorry,") I leaned forward in anticipation to hear her whisper:
"I want my Daddy."
Well spoken little one. I do too.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I Should Know Better..
than to try and run errands with the kids right after school. They love to go to the bank- seriously!- mainly because my bank has dedicated 30% of their floorspace to a toy filled area of fun. And they give the kids gummy bears. Who wouldn't want to go?
I'm waiting in line, ready to do my thing, and my little ones run over to the toy area. Some poor loan officer has her desk directly next to the Nintendo game station- and she starts talking to Annie. After saying hello, Annie says, "Nice to meet you! Now go get your work done!" The crowd erupts in laughter and I shrink down and pretend I don't know her.
Something must have given me away though--- maybe it was Annie's shrieks of denial as I grabbed their hands and made a quick exit. They are both sleeping now..... I better go get my work done.
I'm waiting in line, ready to do my thing, and my little ones run over to the toy area. Some poor loan officer has her desk directly next to the Nintendo game station- and she starts talking to Annie. After saying hello, Annie says, "Nice to meet you! Now go get your work done!" The crowd erupts in laughter and I shrink down and pretend I don't know her.
Something must have given me away though--- maybe it was Annie's shrieks of denial as I grabbed their hands and made a quick exit. They are both sleeping now..... I better go get my work done.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Whole Grain Fun
Remember when I told you about Matt's group of college buddies that are now obsessed with oatmeal? They were all supposed to order free samples, but one silly List member ordered THREE HUGE bags of Coach's oats. He sent Matt an email diary of his oatmeal experience, and it was so funny, that I'm posting it here.
The Coach's Oat Diet Journal
by our dearly beloved friend, Doogles.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 1:
They arrived today. Four three pound bags.
And so it begins.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 1: Addendum.
Made my first bowl. Stovetop method. One cup water. 1/3 cup Coach's Oats. One tablespoon organic brown sugar. One pat cholesterol reducing butter substitute. Ready in ten minutes (start to finish). Verdict: Delicious!
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 2:
My second Coach's Oats breakfast. I am pleased with my purchase.
**
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 6: Decision day.
My wife is annoyed. The cupboard needs space. I have no choice: Coach's Oats from here on out.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 6: Addendum.
I think over my plan that night. Three meals a day, plus snacks, for four weeks. According to my calculations, this should enable me to consolidate down to three bags.
Yes. If horses can do it, so can I.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 7: The First Full Day
Breakfast and lunch: good. Made an extra large helping for dinner. Mistake. Got cold on me. Stuck in my throat. Stay with standard serving. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Don't be a hero.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 8:
Back to basics. Breakfast okay, a little bland. Moderate after-effects from last night. Decided not to add extra sugar or butter. Mixed it up and put some salt in at lunch time. Makes all the difference in the world. Add to standard recipe (and reduce butter substitute). Dinner: cravings for something else strong, but not insurmountable with new salty recipe.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 11:
The character of my bowel movements has changed dramatically.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 12: The Argument.
"Why don't you give one of the bags to [your friend] Josh?" she said.
"Because they're special order and anyway I don't want to. And we'll be down to three bags in no time."
"Yes but it's kind of annoying seeing you eat nothing but oatmeal."
"Coach's Oats."
"Yeah, jeez, whatever, okay, I'm done."
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 12:
Nothing but oatmeal. Nothing but oatmeal. I couldn't get her words out of my head.
Eating my three bowls today was difficult. Resorted to microwave reheating on a couple of occasions.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 13:
Got to try to distract myself now. Get my mind onto other things. Stop thinking about the next bowl.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 15:
Eating it. Pooping it. Eating it. Pooping it.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 16:
My wife has me sleeping on the couch. Farts.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 17:
A difficult day. Fought a rising gorge at every turn. The last bites are the hardest.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 18:
A moment of Zen today. Almost vomited on waking, just thinking about breakfast. Then it hit me. Raisins! Raisins!! Granola! Granola!! Additives!!!
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 19: The End.
Oh God, I had Round Table Pizza today for breakfast. So goddamn good. So goddamn good! I am defeated. Defeated by Coach's Oats!
"Uncle," Coach! UNCLE!!
The Coach's Oat Diet Journal
by our dearly beloved friend, Doogles.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 1:
They arrived today. Four three pound bags.
And so it begins.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 1: Addendum.
Made my first bowl. Stovetop method. One cup water. 1/3 cup Coach's Oats. One tablespoon organic brown sugar. One pat cholesterol reducing butter substitute. Ready in ten minutes (start to finish). Verdict: Delicious!
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 2:
My second Coach's Oats breakfast. I am pleased with my purchase.
**
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 6: Decision day.
My wife is annoyed. The cupboard needs space. I have no choice: Coach's Oats from here on out.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 6: Addendum.
I think over my plan that night. Three meals a day, plus snacks, for four weeks. According to my calculations, this should enable me to consolidate down to three bags.
Yes. If horses can do it, so can I.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 7: The First Full Day
Breakfast and lunch: good. Made an extra large helping for dinner. Mistake. Got cold on me. Stuck in my throat. Stay with standard serving. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Don't be a hero.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 8:
Back to basics. Breakfast okay, a little bland. Moderate after-effects from last night. Decided not to add extra sugar or butter. Mixed it up and put some salt in at lunch time. Makes all the difference in the world. Add to standard recipe (and reduce butter substitute). Dinner: cravings for something else strong, but not insurmountable with new salty recipe.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 11:
The character of my bowel movements has changed dramatically.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 12: The Argument.
"Why don't you give one of the bags to [your friend] Josh?" she said.
"Because they're special order and anyway I don't want to. And we'll be down to three bags in no time."
"Yes but it's kind of annoying seeing you eat nothing but oatmeal."
"Coach's Oats."
"Yeah, jeez, whatever, okay, I'm done."
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 12:
Nothing but oatmeal. Nothing but oatmeal. I couldn't get her words out of my head.
Eating my three bowls today was difficult. Resorted to microwave reheating on a couple of occasions.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 13:
Got to try to distract myself now. Get my mind onto other things. Stop thinking about the next bowl.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 15:
Eating it. Pooping it. Eating it. Pooping it.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 16:
My wife has me sleeping on the couch. Farts.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 17:
A difficult day. Fought a rising gorge at every turn. The last bites are the hardest.
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 18:
A moment of Zen today. Almost vomited on waking, just thinking about breakfast. Then it hit me. Raisins! Raisins!! Granola! Granola!! Additives!!!
Coach's Oats Diet – Day 19: The End.
Oh God, I had Round Table Pizza today for breakfast. So goddamn good. So goddamn good! I am defeated. Defeated by Coach's Oats!
"Uncle," Coach! UNCLE!!
Returned To Sender
Hey Folks-
Something is amiss with Billy's address. It is the same one that has been used successfully, and repeatedly, but for some reason- a few pieces of mail are being returned. We are trying to get to the bottom of it- but rest assured, Billy is doing great- (today is his birthday!) and it is so awesome of so many of you to take the time out to brighten his day. We are asking for an alternate address....so hold tight.
You guys are so awesome.
Something is amiss with Billy's address. It is the same one that has been used successfully, and repeatedly, but for some reason- a few pieces of mail are being returned. We are trying to get to the bottom of it- but rest assured, Billy is doing great- (today is his birthday!) and it is so awesome of so many of you to take the time out to brighten his day. We are asking for an alternate address....so hold tight.
You guys are so awesome.
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